ANNUAL WORK- VIEWS ON COMPASSION 2023-2024 Table 91- Chicago
“Just Like You” written by Kaveri Patel, and inspired by the Dalai Lama:
Walk gently on this earth with purposeful steps
You share this space with seven billion human beings
And countless other precious life forms
Just like you
They all need love
We’re not going to survive unless we walk
Gently on this earth together,
Until we touch something in others that
Feels just like shards of our own pain
The fluttering warmth of our own joy,
Until we sew their wounds into our own hearts
And seal it with our own skin
Compassion is hardwired into every one of us. It’s an innate quality and it’s a quality that’s distinctly felt in our body. According to Buddhist texts, compassion is the quivering of the heart when we have allowed ourselves to be touched by the pain of life. We quite literally feel compassion.
Evolutionary psychology describes the success of our species as not having so much to do with the size of our brain, our cognitive capacities or our tool-making skills but, rather, it’s due to the capacity to collaborate flexibly in large numbers and that this is what has given us the edge. Our ability to collaborate in ever widening circles is really the trajectory that evolution has us headed towards. And, when we can really and truly appreciate that we all share this experience of being human and that we all experience what it means to suffer, when we can appreciate that at some time we’ve all felt unworthy or inadequate, that we all have worries and become frightened, that we all long for friendship, that we’ve all had to learn about life, that we all want to be caring and kind, that we all want to be content with what life has given us, that we all wish to be free from pain and suffering, that we all wish for safety and health, that we all wish to be happy and to be loved- that’s when we truly experience what it means to know, in a very real way, that you’re no different from me. It’s when I can see you in pain or when I can see your anger or your hostility and remember that this is something that I have also experienced, that I, too, share this same vulnerability- that my heart can soften and reach out with care. Instead of creating disconnection, the possibility now exists for connection- just because, as human beings, we all experience vulnerability. It’s in our shared vulnerabilities, actually, that the truth of our connectedness and oneness with life arises. We can sense that what happens to one happens to all. That when you hurt, I also hurt. It arises out of this greater sense of belonging. Compassion is the great connector. Compassion literally means to suffer together. It’s the feeling that arises when we encounter suffering, and we feel the motivation to relieve it
(submitted by Mary Bulfin)
HOW CAN I RESPOND WITH COMPASSION TO THE SUFFERING IN THE WORLD?
Whether I look with a broad lens or focus on what is in front of me; whether I take a macro or micro view of life, suffering seems to be everywhere. Suffering seems to spread as rapidly as weeds. Suffering is not the only condition in life. In my life as I hope in the lives of many other people, there is also learning, discovery, relationship, wonder and joy. Suffering and joy seem to be elemental to living.
Suffering is a heavy topic to think about, yet it seems necessary to face life as it is. As I face the reality of suffering in the world, I wonder how can I respond? What can I as an individual do about suffering? My answers to my own question aren’t satisfying. I can care. I can notice what goes on in the lives of others and in the larger world. My response to suffering is not an intellectual consideration. My response to the hurt, pain and sorrows of others is with compassion, a spontaneous response of the heart.
To respond with compassion to suffering does not come as quickly as flipping a switch. For me a compassionate response to suffering can take what is sometimes referred to as inner work – the active process of exploring my thoughts, feelings, actions and attitudes in how I live. Meditation is a portal into the process of inner work.
IS COMPASSION AN EMOTIONAL RESPONSE TO SUFFERING?
In my own experience, compassion is much more enduring than an emotion that comes and goes. For me, compassion is an approach and attitude about how to live that has deepened and ripened throughout my lifetime. Seeds of compassion were planted as soon as I thought to myself that I wanted to learn how to be a decent human being. To live a life of compassion is not a smooth sail. The process of living with compassion has ups and downs, dips and turns, making mistakes and learning.
IS THERE A CONNECTION BETWEEN LIVING AS A DECENT HUMAN BEING AND COMPASSION?
Yes, absolutely! We each may have different understandings of what it means to be a decent human being. My understanding is to be aware and interested in the lives of others, to be responsible for how I react and respond in situations, to remember I am not an island but all lives are connected in a common humanity, to respond with care and respect to others even if I don’t always agree with them. My understandings of human decency go on and on and motivate my intention in how I want to live.
I don’t always live as a decent human being. I live as a fallible and vulnerable human being. I make mistakes. I can be judgmental. I can inadvertently hurt others. I have a long list of my frailties that stimulate compassion for others and for myself. I think to myself, we are only human. May I reach within myself for how to be responsive, respectful, accepting for life as it is. May I forgive myself and others when I live with less instead of more decency. For me, this is what it means to be a compassionate and caring, decent human being. In that way, compassion is a verb. Compassion is an action.
(submitted by Allegra Magrisso)
Are you compassionate?
I assume most people would like to think that they offer compassion to their fellow human beings. But, do you know what that means? In his book, “Tattoos on the Heart”, Fr. Gregory Boyle asks the question, “What is the difference between sympathy, empathy and compassion?” It’s a great question. It helps you distinguish between feelings and actions that may or may not be compassion. Saying you are sorry or sending a condolence card is sympathy. It allows a distance both emotional and physical. You are acknowledging another person’s pain or suffering.
Empathy is often expressed by having shared an experience or loss and the emotions and work of going through such an experience. “I’ve been there.” I’ve walked in your shoes even if the feelings or details varied. Empathy goes beyond acknowledgement to a shared human experience. I have felt your pain, your loss, your diagnosis, your hurt.
Compassion takes us to the next level. Sympathy and empathy may be present but compassion asks more of us. Compassion asks us to close the distance, to be present both physically, emotionally and spiritually. Can you sit with me in my distress? Can you sit with me and not offer platitudes, or try to fix me or the problem? Can you share in my suffering without making it your own? Sometimes the person experiencing a loss finds themselves comforting the persons there to support them. It is no longer offering compassion but an over personalized experience of another’s grief or loss.
What does compassion look like? Imagine a dark room with two chairs, two people. There is no light seeping under the door or through the curtains. One person is literally is a dark place, emotionally, physically, spiritually. They are at a total loss as to what to do, or say or feel. Breathing is an effort and takes all of their energy. The second person sits right next to them. There is no mention of time, of turning on a light or opening the curtains. No words of understanding or telling stories of a similar experience. Compassion demands that we “be with”, that we close the distance and it is our very presence that is needed and offered. Nothing more or less than being fully available and present to another person. Sometimes there is a gentle touch of the hand, a “grounding” of sorts to remind a person that they are not alone. I am with you.
Sympathy and empathy certainly are important and have a place. Cards and casseroles are welcomed and at times it is the most we have to offer. Time and circumstances may dictate what it is that we have to give. In your heart, be aware of the differences. Know the gift of being with another person fully and without conditions or limitations. If you have ever been on the receiving end of such compassion, you will recognize the importance and the challenges of being a compassionate person. Each of us is a work in progress. Compassion doesn’t just happen, it must be felt, offered, experienced and repeated. Begin your journey toward a life of compassion.
(submitted by Susan Martersteck)
Threads of Compassion
Weaving thoughts about what compassion is and where it can be found are perhaps hidden from our outer view but not from one’s inner sight.
What is compassion? Meeting a person where they are and going deeper into their heart to understand – to go beyond the layers of their thoughts and feelings. To really embrace the landscape of their heart. This means that we must step away from our own fears and prejudices so that we can hear their deepest longings. It’s an art that’s acquired by observing and listening without expectations. Simply put – being a presence of understanding that’s motivated by a love that’s without conditions. And through that love, we come to know ourselves and others in ways we never could have imagined.
Is compassion inborn and slowly filtered out as we grow to know ourselves and the world around us? Are we taught not to listen inwardly but to distrust that voice of knowingness? The trouble seems to begin when we forget we are souls with an inner wisdom and voice of truth that speaks through our hearts. It’s the real driving force that links us with others beyond any superficial judgements, doubts and apprehensions. It is that silent place that connects all humanity and opens all minds to all that is and all that can be. It is that point of love and discernment that links us with each other – a rolling wave of the ocean of thought, forever changing and drawing out our soulful humanness to bring us even closer to each other in ways we never thought possible. We are each a tiny grain of sand being drawn into the ocean of compassion, time after time, whether we know it or not!
My thoughts were based on these 4 Cafh Teachings:
- What is the real driving force of our lives? What place do those around me, humanity and the planet occupy in my consciousness?
- Silence as a tool to balance our life. How can we continue to be astonished by what we discover in ourselves and in our relationship with our surroundings and with life?
- I immerse myself in this fresh and ever renewed current. Where now are my prejudices, my fears, my doubts? They are carried away by that stream of life. From this place, I perceive something. The world is calling me. What does it need? I wake up. I am in the consciousness of the here and now. Renouncement is this infinitesimal instant of consciousness, this inflection point between breathing in and breathing out, between my will and the Will of the Whole, the Divine Will.
- My will focuses with laser power upon a point. If I want something to change, I am the change. If I want something to grow, I cultivate it within me because my experience is woven into the fabric of the world. I am that tiny wave of consciousness that expands until it encompasses everything, the infinitesimal turned into power.
(submitted by Sandy Oldershaw McLaughlin)